2009年6月14日星期日

Pain

Since the day she's gone, I never allowed myself to think about her.
Thinking about her is like being stabbed at the heart, makes me cripplingly painful.
So between pain and numbness, I choose numbness.
I ignore any hurtful word from her mouth, from her messages.

But today I break my own promise, I think about her since I wake up, and the result is tear is falling down right down.
I miss her, so I sms her.
And her reply is as cold as usual.

It seems odd, since I'm forbidding myself from thinking about her, I keep sms her in those days.
And let her hurts me.
But that's something I never wanna lose.
I want to make sure she exists.
Knowing she ever exists in my life, is a great solace for me.
I'm afraid my memory about her is fading, as everyone else when confronted with a painful memory.
I don't wanna think about her, but I want to remember her.
I want to remember her clear voice, her precise colour of pale skin, her eyes.
But she's leaving, even in my memory.

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